#007 Why self worth is crucial when dating

Photo: LovebyEmelie
Maybe this post comes unexpected to you? Honestly I never thought this morning I would sit down this afternoon and write a blogpost about dating! But yep - here we are and let’s get too this important topic!

So I know for a fact that many of my friends who are single have been more or less struggling to meet new people this year due to the external situation of covid. The restrictions doesn’t make it the easiest to meet up. But hey, who likes easy?
Maybe things in life aren’t suppose to be just easy, but it’s suppose to be a journey. Who doesn’t want to go on a journey?

You are your own inventor during this journey and truth is, dating through corona can actually mean you get to connect to different people in another way! What? Yes! Connect over phone, meet on video, write texts, send voice mails etc. There are literary so many options to start talking to people and make it corona safe at the same time. This got me thinking.

A year ago switched between channels on TV and ended up watching the reality show ”Love is Blind” where the idea is that strangers will explore ”the one” without meeting up in the first place! The participants sit in different rooms and are advised to talk to a microphone where they also hear the person they are talking to. Through that they build a strong connection to each other. After a couple of weeks they finally get to see their partner for the first time! At this point many of the couples have already built strong and deep connections over the ”phone”.

I get it. This may NOT be how it works in the real world, as visual attraction is a huge part of our society and to be fair, a part of the piece. But let us explore this a little further as I truly believe there are some golden gems here if we just allow ourself to discover them.

You might not know, but I actually talked to Christoph (who is my husband today) on phone every day for nearly three months before we actually met up live. This is nine years ago today and writing this blogpost I still remember these daily calls as they were yesterday. It was such a great time for us and as we took the time to talk about everything between the ocean and sky, we really got to know each other on a deep level. At the time he lived in Germany and I in Sweden and that was the reason for us why it took so long to meet up. But I truly believe our relationship wouldn’t be so strong and great today if we wouldn’t have had these calls in the beginning when dating.

Many people today assume Christoph and I were together before I lost my leg and that he simply stayed by my side out of politeness (which would have felt terrible!). But no, we weren’t together ”before” my big transformation in life. We connected through a coincidence and fell into each others life. One day, I’ll write more about our story. :D

Truth is, this blog post is not about how we met, what I actually want to point out is the dating-with-distance + self worth. It feels bold to be honest about this, but I have to. Truth is, I was self conscious about getting out there to date again after my big transformation + coming from a long relationship. I was basically told I wouldn’t be able to find someone who could love me again because of what happened. It was painful to hear but I couldn’t accept that as a truth. I don’t know if you read an earlier blog post from me where I simply talk about the fact of NOT placing yourself in a limiting box defining yourself to be less than who you are. A box that may say: ”I am not good enough”, ”I am not thin enough”, ”I’m too big”, ”I’m too tall”, ”I’m too short”, ”I’m not smart enough”, ”not pretty enough”.

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You are so beautiful. You are so funny. You are so clever. You are much much more than enough. And you know what, you just deserve the best. You do.

As my favorite designer (the one who also designed my wedding dress), Frida Jonsvens use to say: ”If someone says you are too much - maybe it is them who are to little”

Read that as many times as you need and just feel the weight of these words. It is so true, if someone doesn’t respect you, they don’t deserve your respect. If someone isn’t interested, they don’t deserve your interest. If someone is making you feel smaller, remember that it’s actually not about you but about themselves.

The truth is that the relationship, the respect and the love you have for yourself makes up your self worth. It makes up the view you have on yourself and how you see yourself is exactly how others will see you too. Think of it like a mirror. Defining yourself as the warrior, queen, master, star and loving yourself (your strengths and your weaknesses) are the greatest way to navigate to what you want in a partner. Way too often we search the partners that will give us what we think we cannot give to ourselves, we get someone who fits into that empty hole because we are too scared of looking at it, too scared taking care and growing self love.

Every time I am facing something that I don’t like with myself I got a choice, to take care of it myself with the support from my partner or expecting him to take care of it. When I am lazy or too scared I choose number two … it always plays out the same way. I’m getting irritated or frustrated of my husband not giving me the confirmation that I am actually suppose to give myself. But why I love him so much is partly because he always stand strong and never gives the confirmation to me when he knows I need to show up for myself. Of course he gives me all the love and support in the world, but when it comes to self growth he always supports me to show up for myself in the first place. It’s incredible hard at times not getting that phrase or word that I want so much, but every time I thank him. Supporting me to grow is far greater than providing the easy solution, which would be more convenient and simple. But he doesn’t and because of that he helps me show up and that allows me to be the person I am meant to. My husband doesn’t see me as weak, he see’s me as a woman who stand up for herself. Who is grounded and strong in who she is. A woman who continue to work in the areas she feels best and who knows what she wants. A woman who doesn’t give up on herself or on him and for that I have his respect, deep love and commitment to us.

So what I want to say with this rather cheesy end is ;) that self worth is crucial and built by self love! With that it’s possible to navigate to what you want and through meaningful conversations (on phone, aaaaaand over a longer time) you can build a deep relationship!

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Grab your cheet sheet for growing self love HERE.

Good luck my friend, I’m here with you every step of the way!

Photo: LovebyEmelie